


Zorc 2020

by Elexica



Series: Elexica does AU-gust 2020 [25]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: 2020 US Presidential Election, AU-gust 2020, Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, Coronavirus Mentions, Crack Treated Seriously, Four Seasons Total Landscaping AU, Inspired By Tumblr, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, President Zorc, is it political satire?, no mention of tr-mp, ygocollablove
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:40:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27562432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elexica/pseuds/Elexica
Summary: Joey is the owner of Four Seasons Total Landscaping.  Kaiba is the ornery owner of the Fantasy Island adult bookstore.  Yugi runs the nearby crematorium.The Zorc 2020 campaign is crumbling.
Relationships: Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler/Kaiba Seto
Series: Elexica does AU-gust 2020 [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860052
Comments: 22
Kudos: 40





	Zorc 2020

**Author's Note:**

> Satisfying AU-Gust Prompt 25 - Circus AU  
> Sorry not sorry.

The Four Seasons Total Landscaping as a business didn’t have its own phone number—Joey had a cell phone, and not enough else going on. At first he had hesitated to post the phone number on the business’ website. What if a lot of people called him? What if he got prank called in his free time? But on balance, the extra fifty bucks a month that it would cost to maintain another line didn’t seem worth the investment. So he had one phone: you call Four Seasons Total Landscaping? You get Joey Wheeler.

(At one point, Kaiba, that sexy prick who ran the erotica store across the block, had explained that he could have a free Google Voice account that would work exactly the same way as another phone line. But then Joey would have to sacrifice his flip phone _and_ pay attention to what that tall motherfucker said. Neither things were going to happen any time soon.)

The recent election had been, to say the least, an absolute shit show. Joey hadn’t paid too much attention, but he'd done what he figured was the bare minimum: he’d voted, and he’d even contributed to a down-ballot race. He’d done his civic duty and no more. 

He was sick to death of the whole affair. Joey wouldn’t turn on CNN. Every time he passed by Fantasy Island, the door was wide open with a big screen TV blaring that damned blue and red map. Kaiba wouldn’t let him live in peace. It was enough to keep Joey out, even though he knew Kaiba would have a new shipment of _materials_ that Friday, and few enough visitors were coming into the store that he could get away with a mid-day tryst at the shop. 

Joey just wanted the election to be called already. He had landscaping to do.

The call came in at 9 am, when he was sharing a coffee with Yugi. Yugi was the owner of the crematorium across the street, and he wasn’t much more excited about the situation. If anything, Yugi’s business was booming recently—but he wasn’t happy about it.

The Motorola Razr in Joey’s pocket went off like a grenade, computerized chimes and aging vibrating function rattling against his keys. Joey took quick glace at the screen—Joey didn’t see a contact name pop up, it could be a robocall, but he did need the business.

With a flick of the wrist, Joey popped the phone open. “Four Seasons, this is Joey.”

Yugi leaned over the counter to eavesdrop on the call.

“Yeah, um, I mean. We’ve got a parking lot. We could put up some signs on the garage door, I guess.”

Joey’s face pinched in a puzzled expression and he ran a hand through his blond hair. “I guess maybe, uhh five grand sounds fair. I mean, it sounds like a bit of a production.”

Joey nodded, staring into the void ahead of him. “Alright. See you in a couple hours, I guess.” And he flipped the phone shut slowly and thoughtfully with his thumb.

“Yug’?” Yugi nodded, rapt attention still focused on his best friend. “The Zorc campaign wants to hold a press conference in the parking lot.”

Yugi’s mouth gaped. He buried his hands in the thick spikes of his hair.

“What? Zorc? President Zorc? Destroyer of the world, waving his weird dong around where it isn’t wanted?? That Zorc??!”

Joey nodded. “Yeah, a man claiming to be Vice President T. K. Bakura called. Man, should I have said no?”

Yugi shrugged, his leather jacket crinkling slightly. “Yeah, probably!”

Joey adjusted his T-shirt, straightening out the leaves of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping logo. “I could use the money, Yug’. How bad could it go?”

. . .

Kaiba stomped across the street, his long white bathrobe flaring out behind him, Fantasy Island-branded mug in hand. Even though he had stepped down from real corporate life following a mental breakdown, he still had the air of a powerful CEO.

He marched up to Joey, who had a roll of duct tape looped over one tanned arm as he posted a checkerboard of Zorc 2020 signs on his garage door.

“Have you lost what little was left of your _mind_?” Kaiba intoned, voice as gravelly as the surrounding lot.

“What, you gotta problem with my freedom ‘a speech Kaiba?” Joey laughed, not looking away from the lattice of tacky signs.

Kaiba blinked quickly, and then chugged more of whatever was in his mug. Joey knew it was at least 2-parts coffee, and he suspected the other part was either Baileys or vodka. From the wince of Kaiba’s thin lips when he withdrew his face from the mug, it might have been both.

“Since when are you a Zorc supporter? He kills children, you know. And he’s against LGBT rights.” The concern lacing Kaiba’s brow made it clear that Kaiba was concerned that he’d been fucking a Zorc supporter.

Joey laughed effortlessly, beaming a broad and sunshine-y smile. It was wasted behind his cloth Duel Monsters themed cloth face mask. 

“Don’t get yer panties in a twist, Kaiba. I’m not, but his campaign is paying five G’s to hold a press conference in the parking lot. You know business has been slow during the pandemic. Unless yer gonna bankroll this company, I’m not turning away perfectly good cash. Not all of us are retired CEO’s, moneybags.”

Kaiba huffed a joyless “ha” before burying his face in his mug again, draining it of whatever disgusting concoction of alcohol and caffeine he had put in it. 

“You gonna help? Or just watch?”

Kaiba smirked and wandered back to his sex shop. “If I find out you actually support Zorc, you will never see my dick again,” he shouted over his shoulder as he stalked away. 

. . .

Although the wire transfer went through for the full amount, Joey couldn’t quite believe that it was happening.

He checked President Zorc’s social media account and was sort of spellbound as he watched the likes tick up on a post. There it was: dark background, Zorc’s spikey black face and tusks in a little circle, the “verified” Twitter check mark, @realZorcNecrophades, and the simple text “Big press conference today in Brooklyn at Four Seasons Total Landscaping – 11:30 am!”

When the reporters showed up, he felt just as confused as them. He tried to demand face masks, but social distancing didn’t seem possible with how many reporters and fans were showing up by the minute.

The press conference was a circus. Joey didn’t think he was the ringleader—but it was easy to identify the jester.

The spokesperson for Zorc, the former Mayor of Cairo, Illinois, Aknadin, seemed especially possessed and delusional at the podium. He hollered about how the process had been fraudulent and unfair to his boss, the giant dragon-monster Zorc. After all, Zorc had plans to stomp out infrastructure problems and, ultimately, he was born from the darkness of people's hearts. He had made it clear through his executive orders that there was virtually no limit to his powers. In his next term, he promised exceed infinite power and meet his goal of plunging the universe into darkness. 

That message must have resonated with voters in 2016, but as the years had passed, Joey thought, people clearly were not happy with the direction the country was going in.

Yugi and Kaiba had shown up for the nightmare of a conference. Kaiba was watching with a keen interest—even if his face looked somewhat indifferent. Joey speculated that Kaiba had probably forgone adding coffee to the branded mug.

Yugi had been fighting ardently against Zorc’s power for the last four years, and wore a small smile on his face as he watched Aknadin and his cronies implode on live television.

The surreal experience ended as strangely as it had begun. When Aknadin could scream no longer, he packed up his things, and everyone followed suit and abandoned the facilities. Yugi stayed to help Joey clean up the parking lot, throwing out discarded disposable masks and trashing the leftover signs.

As evening fell, Joey couldn’t resist poking his head into Kaiba’s sex shop. On the big screen, replacing that omnipresent blue and red map, was Joey’s parking lot.

“It’s a meme,” Kaiba announced, not looking up from one of the new magazines he had stocked. Joey had no idea how Kaiba could even sense his presence. “You’re famous.”

Joey walked over and pulled Kaiba’s face up by the chin. His blue eyes were hazy, and Joey was pleased to have his full attention.

“I'm reconsidering getting a separate phone line for the company.”

Kaiba smirked, and when Joey kissed him—he melted.

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> Not even the weirdest thing I have written.


End file.
